very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
