I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
