i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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