My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
