he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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