You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
