Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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