mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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