I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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