hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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