How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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