There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
