An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
