Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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