can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
