What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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