i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
how does that bad decision feel?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
