She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
