I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
