I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
