How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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