BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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