dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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