did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
