How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
