i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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