so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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