I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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