Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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