what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
