I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
