i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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