Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize