i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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