watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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