The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
