wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
