Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
