Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
