we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
