matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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