You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
