Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
