Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
