i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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