If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
