Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
