Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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