I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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