And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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