...so i touched it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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