at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize