the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
