D3 body, D1 cock
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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