So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
