You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
id be glad to
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
