Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
