so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That's when you crack a 10am beer
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
