My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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