My room smells like vodka and shame
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
