went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
