The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize