I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
