Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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