we have pet lesbian snakes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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