I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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