i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
