I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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