We won't sleep together?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
